By Theresa Gerard | 5-minute read
Picture this: You’ve decided to apply to grad school, and finally, you find your dream program. You scroll through the application requirements:
- Resume
- Personal Statement
- Statement of Purpose
And then, you see it:
“Please provide two letters of recommendation.”
Your heart sinks. You’ve done the work. You’ve earned the grades. But you attend a large university, where it’s easy to feel like just another face in the crowd. Who do you ask? Will that professor from your 300-person lecture even remember you? You went to office hours once…does that count? Is it weird to email out of the blue? Has it been too long?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many students, myself included, have faced this exact situation. While the elements of your application that are in your control may feel manageable (researching programs, polishing your resume, preparing your statements), asking for a strong reference can feel daunting.
Here are some tips to help you navigate the process:
- Reflect first.
Before you reach out to anyone, ask yourself: Why am I applying to grad school? What do I hope to gain? You’ll likely be asked these questions, and your answers will help potential recommenders understand your goals and advocate for you authentically. If you’re unclear, how can they speak confidently on your behalf? - Think beyond just professors.
Who in your academic or professional life has seen your growth? It might be a TA, an advisor, a tutoring center coordinator, or a supervisor from a research or internship experience. Think about those who impacted your learning or development—and how. - Gather your materials.
Make it easy for someone to say yes by having your materials ready: your resume, transcript (unofficial is fine), and a short summary of your goals or the program you’re applying to. Recommenders will appreciate the context and get a better sense of what you’ve been up to since you last connected. - Reach out with context.
If it’s been a while, that’s okay. Reintroduce yourself. Mention the course, program, or project you were part of, and remind them how you connected. Then, share why you’re applying to grad school and why you believe their insight would be valuable in a letter of recommendation. - It’s okay if someone says no.
Not every potential recommender will feel comfortable writing a strong letter, and that can be a good thing. You want someone who can genuinely speak to your strengths. When I applied to my own program, I reached out to someone I hadn’t seen in a few years, and they kindly declined, saying they didn’t know me well enough anymore to write a meaningful letter. It stung at first, but in hindsight, I appreciated their honesty. A weaker or generic letter can actually hurt more than help your application. So if someone says no, don’t panic. Move on to the next person, and remember: it’s about finding the right voice to advocate for you. - Give them time.
Ideally, you should begin thinking about graduate school at least 6 months in advance. Reach out to potential references at least a month before the deadline. Most of them are full-time professionals juggling many responsibilities and you want to give them the time to be able to write a letter for you. - Express gratitude and keep in touch.
A heartfelt thank-you goes a long way. But don’t let the relationship end there! Follow up with updates and continue building the connection. Tell them you made it in the program, update them with projects along the way. Think about taking them out for a thank you coffee! Long-term relationships can open doors in ways you don’t expect.
No matter where you are in your process, don’t be afraid to reach out to those around you, friends, mentors, advisors, they may remind you of connections or experiences you’ve overlooked. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
And remember, the Career Design Center is here to support you every step of the way. Whether you’re still exploring programs or ready to hit submit, you can schedule an appointment to get feedback on your materials, talk through your goals, and create a game plan for your application.
